APA: The peanut butter chocolate shake from Schnippers.
KLC: Where’s the coolest place you’ve ever traveled to and what was so cool about it?
APA: Probably the Cinque Terre in Italy... Or Portland during the first few weeks of summer. In both cases, the people were so incredibly kind, the landscape and weather so incredibly beautiful, and the food was incredibly, incredibly good. I hope to live in both places at some point in my life, if only for a year or so.
KLC: Name one movie you can quote and then quote it.
APA: I can pretty much quote Love Actually straight through, but for these purposes, I’ll choose “Let’s go get the shit kicked out of us by love.”
KLC: Pick one: Eleanor Roosevelt, Angela Davis, or Ellen Johnson Sirleaf.
APA: Ellen Johnson Sirleaf. They’re all fascinating, but she’s my favorite!
KLC: The United States electoral process is _________________.
APA: Much better without Super PACs and tons of invisible money flying around. I hope that one day future generations will be able to see what that was like again.
KLC: What’s the strangest thing you’ve ever done to get someone’s attention?
APA: I once fell super, super hard for a pharmacist who gave me my flu shot at the Astor Place K-Mart two years ago. We had such a great conversation, and aside from the part where she jabbed a needle in to my arm, I thought we had really astounding chemistry. Anyway, I went back three or four times pretending to be three or four different kinds of sick in the span of a few weeks just to see her again, but come to find out, pharmacists aren’t that in to people who are sick all the time. Life is hard sometimes, and also funny. I know we aren’t talking about writing, but if we were, I would tell you that I did end up writing a play about it.
KLC: If you had the opportunity to patent a brand new product, what might that be?
APA: I'm so glad you asked. So it would look like a printer, but instead of paper you would feed it dress shirts, and instead of printing anything you would just press a button and the shirt would come out perfectly ironed. I know some people who find ironing relaxing or whatever, but I’m not one of those people. I have other things to do!
KLC: Which of the following is least likely to ever exist: Bigfoot, elves, or government regulation on Wall Street?
APA: Elves. I feel like the other two, while unlikely, are hovering right around the possibility of the pharmacist and I ending up together in the end- so if I give up on them, then what does that say? I’m for Warren/Bigfoot in 2016!
KLC: Wild card question! If you could name someone famous—living or dead—as your emergency contact, who would it be?
APA: Meaning I’m such good friends with them that I would name them my emergency contact, or they don’t know me, and I name them as my emergency contact anyway and they have to decide what to do when I’m in an accident? Both present exciting prospects.
In the first scenario I would choose Jennifer Lopez. I’ve just always thought that we would really get along if she would take the time to get to know me. I think I could be a calm and positive force in her otherwise frantic life (as laid out in her unforgettable memoir True Love) and all the parties she would inevitably invite me to would also help me learn how to come out of my shell a little bit, and that we would just be great friends.
In the second scenario I would choose June Squibb, simply because I feel like she would a) answer the phone (we both know Jenny doesn’t have time to handle an emergency for someone she’s never met) and b) would then take the time to have a really cool adventure trying to figure out who I was. I suspect June would go on a zany cross-country adventure to track me down, during which time she would learn a lot about the world and about herself. And once she did track me down and make sure I was cared for and the rest of my family was notified, I think we would get along pretty well, too, and then we’d sell the rights to our story to the USA Network.
KLC: Can you share something about yourself that no one has ever asked you about in an interview before?
APA: I love aquariums, and raising fish. I raised African cichlids all through high school, and have a small school of them in a 30-gallon tank in my apartment right now. They’re very pretty, and super energetic, and very calming to watch- very centering. I suspect after J-Lo and June read this and immediately decide to become my best friends that we’ll take a little time every week or so to have tea and chat and watch the fish, just to spend time with each other and catch up and to have a break from our otherwise hectic schedules. Maybe Jen could do readings from her book. And Kara, you’d be invited to.
And that’s all for me. I promise I’m not a crazy person. Thanks for the questions, Kara!
Be kind out there, everybody!
A.P. Andrews is a New York City based playwright who was born and raised in the small town of Superior, Nebraska. His Nebraska Cycle is a series of ten plays about life in the rural Midwest, and includes Abby in the Summer, Burning Barn, The Girl with the Red Balloon, Tailgates, Three More Sundays, Meth and Kisses, Cecil and Marie, Homesteads, Maria Barone Comes Home, and Winter Visits. Other works include Optimism, Or, Constantin, Higher, Tommy and His Stars and Stripes, Jolly the Christmas Walrus, This Might Hurt a Little, and two collections of one-act plays entitled Awake and Dreaming and Corners of the World. His plays have been performed and developed in Nebraska, New York, Idaho, Washington, and London. He is the Producing Associate for the Seven Devils Playwrights Conference and a teaching assistant for the playwriting program at NYU's Playwrights Horizons Theater School. www.apandrewsplays.com